That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
