I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
