Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
