brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
