Your face is a jimmy john
from now on my penis is your penis
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
