They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
