this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
