last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
