so that wasnt chicken after all
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
