shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
