My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
