Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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