We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We named our party play list daddy issues
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
