We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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