I'm drive I can fine osifer
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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