If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
