I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
