the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Princesses don't give blow jobs
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
