Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
