guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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