cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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