i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
