Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
How external is "for external use only"?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
