shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
