Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
