I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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