It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
