I met the friendliest cop last night
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
