Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
