beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
