I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
