I didn't shave. On purpose
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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