Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
