It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
