Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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