You don't have asthma, your pregnant
too bad you live with your parents still
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
