So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
