i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
