I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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