dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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