woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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