never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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