i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
