im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
