Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
