I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
