is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Randomize
