I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
