I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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