I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
