It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
