I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
