I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
