it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I am available for nakedness
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
