So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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