you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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