he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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