she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
