just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
