were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
