how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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