So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
No subtext here. People are naked.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
