census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
