But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
