Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
home. puking in laundry basket.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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