I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
