So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
