I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
