I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
