so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize