where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
