"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
