is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
