We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
