the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize