we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
