so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
