I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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